To describe what ‘Foodfight’ is to animated movies is what chicken nuggets is to a four-star steak restaurant. A bad idea, irrelevant and just very confusing in general. To those who don’t know, ‘Foodfight’ is a 2012 animated movie directed by Lawrence Kasanoff and starring Charlie Sheen, Eva Longoria and Wayne Brady. That is, it was released in 2012, but most of the recording and animating happened in the early 2000’s. In 2003, most of the files were stolen in an act which Kasanoff called “industrial espionage.” The next decade of this movie’s production cycle is clouded, but needless to say that the world was introduced was what many have called the worst animated movie of all time.
‘Foodfight’ opens on the marketopolis market. No joke. What’s even worse is that the voice of the elderly grocer is Ed freakin Asner, which is just disappointing on so many levels. As the lights dim on the grocery store, new lights emerge on a town that looks like duplo blocks surrounded by strobe lights. In a confusing array of montages, we are greeted to most of the side characters of the movie, who, as the name suggests, are brand characters for supermarket items. Oh, wait, it didn’t? That’s right, a crucial part to understanding this movie is tossed out the window. But, I digress.
After a bit, we meet the main hero, Mr. Dex Dogtective, on top of a hot air balloon fighting the Fat Cat Burglar, who is actually a rat. Funny right. After defeating him using some rushed animation and part of a margarita, Dex returns to earth to find his friend Daredevil Dan. The one thing I love about Dan is that it seems that the animators never found out how to make an idle pose for Dan, so he moves all the time. Which works partially, because he is hyperactive, but also is really distracting. Through Dan, we get introduced to Dex’s love interest, a furry named Sunshine Goodness, who is on a raisin box, which is counterintuitive to dogs, who are ALLERGIC TO RAISINS. After trying to propose marriage, Dan crashes his plane into a tree and on the search to help him Sunshine gets captured by Brand X.
What’s Brand X you say? Why, it’s a horribly convoluted new plot that upends this supermarket world. I don’t want to go into too many specifics about the plot for many reasons; One, I want you all to see it so you can revel in the hilarity of it. But also because there are so many subplots and Nazi sub-references and Casablanca throwbacks that it is really hard to keep track. In short, I’ll say this: they spent millions of dollars for what. These movies don’t have to exist, yet they do. And movies like this these you can always find on Floppy Fridays.
RATING: 1.5/10
-Donovan M.
‘Foodfight’ opens on the marketopolis market. No joke. What’s even worse is that the voice of the elderly grocer is Ed freakin Asner, which is just disappointing on so many levels. As the lights dim on the grocery store, new lights emerge on a town that looks like duplo blocks surrounded by strobe lights. In a confusing array of montages, we are greeted to most of the side characters of the movie, who, as the name suggests, are brand characters for supermarket items. Oh, wait, it didn’t? That’s right, a crucial part to understanding this movie is tossed out the window. But, I digress.
After a bit, we meet the main hero, Mr. Dex Dogtective, on top of a hot air balloon fighting the Fat Cat Burglar, who is actually a rat. Funny right. After defeating him using some rushed animation and part of a margarita, Dex returns to earth to find his friend Daredevil Dan. The one thing I love about Dan is that it seems that the animators never found out how to make an idle pose for Dan, so he moves all the time. Which works partially, because he is hyperactive, but also is really distracting. Through Dan, we get introduced to Dex’s love interest, a furry named Sunshine Goodness, who is on a raisin box, which is counterintuitive to dogs, who are ALLERGIC TO RAISINS. After trying to propose marriage, Dan crashes his plane into a tree and on the search to help him Sunshine gets captured by Brand X.
What’s Brand X you say? Why, it’s a horribly convoluted new plot that upends this supermarket world. I don’t want to go into too many specifics about the plot for many reasons; One, I want you all to see it so you can revel in the hilarity of it. But also because there are so many subplots and Nazi sub-references and Casablanca throwbacks that it is really hard to keep track. In short, I’ll say this: they spent millions of dollars for what. These movies don’t have to exist, yet they do. And movies like this these you can always find on Floppy Fridays.
RATING: 1.5/10
-Donovan M.